Random to Justified.

Hi love,

It's been ages since i last blogged. *dusting the corners of the space.. looks like it's much abandoned and infested with 'new friends'.. lol.

It's the time of the year again, a time to reminisce and review back the whole year, giving thanks and counting the blessings poured into our lives, at the same time planning ahead for a greater year. I've always procrastinated everytime i have the thought of writing something down.. it's like, everytime you encounter something awesome or exciting, you wished you could just jot everything down for the world to see. but since there's facebook, how many really blog nowadays? you can blog in facebook, too.. and twitter leaves instant messages! pfh...

Oh, well. Seriously, i don't know what to blog about right now.. though i have something in mind. Since it's near closing of the year, i would like to make a simple review of how my year had been. i'm sure the list is going to be memorable :)

Jan-

Final semester.. final exam. my 22nd birthday, a great one.. with the 87' gang at Chili's.. Barack Obama US President was sworn in :) took Korean costume photos with Sally unni during me bday. also went to the Coliseum with me love ones during me bday.

Feb-

Finish exam. CNY at relatives' place. there were fun moments.. but some are plain nasty. hah. the best part of it is meeting cousins, food, food, and angpow. Pei Wern couz got married. lol after exam, flied back to LD for Chap Goh Mei. miss home. :)

Mar-

Came back to KL at month end. started looking for a job. just relaxing and worrying at the same time. seriously for the past few years, it's been real hectic school life. life here has seriously sucked me dry. this month was pure rest. REST in peace. hah. Jade and Jason wedding.

April-

started really looking into jobs, going for interviews. it's been 3 years of courtship with Ben. beautiful guy. continued resting. landed my current 1st job. praise God. :D

May-

Started my job around klcc area. first me, then dawg stepped in. great working moments. a mark of a new phase of life. officially stepped into working adulthood life. grateful for every moment of it. Monica and Wilson's wedding, got the opportunity to write a duet and sang with Jason Teoh at the wedding. CHURCH CAMP - King Solomon!!! forgot when i joined the DP team.. but got the blessings to serve and lead in DP worship team! :) i guess it was this month lahhh... hehe. *wink

June-

Mary joined the team. her bday. still got what ah? hmm.. tak ingat lah.

July-

Chosen as a cell leader, praise God. :) Shueu Rou's Convo.

August-

Got confirmed in my job. Dawg left office. :( we surprised Ben on his bday, blindfolded him and brought him to AU2, Darren pretended to be a Malay taxi man, some more on Malay radio channel, suuwiittt... LOL :) went to Penang and Cameron Highland for the first time, went up CH vomit twice, came down CH vomit twice 8s *can still smell the stench of puke.. ugh! Nd BBQ.

September-

Samuel and Eunice wedding :) outing to waterfall with Calvin and the gang.

October-

??? lemme think first k. got to know me lovely Cally i think. :) Celebrated Karen's bday, she makes great glutinous riceballs with red bean soup! slurp :9 Celebrated Mooncake festival at Kin Wai's. first time went to Jogoya, gugu belanja makan.

November-

Office moved to Mont' Kiara.. Sarah joined the team. My Graduation. Sectional outing to Sepang Gold Coast.made friends with Ashley love :)

December-

GK children blessing, WHCC Xmas, WHC Xmas :) Boss belanja makan Tenji, slurp~ went to orphanage as company visit and blessed the kids. lovely. falling in love once again.. with me beau. me lover~ :)

i can't think of anything else to share about for now.. so, till next time! :D love you all~

Love ♥

“Love,” Paul says, “never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8 NIV).

The verb Paul uses for the word fail is used elsewhere to describe the demise of a flower as it falls to the ground, withers, and decays. It carries the meaning of death and abolishment. God’s love, says the apostle, will never fall to the ground, wither, and decay. By its nature, it is permanent. It is never abolished.

Love “will last forever” (NLT).
It “never dies” (MSG).
It “never ends” (RSV).
Love “is eternal” (TEV).
God’s love “will never come to an end” (NEB).
Love never fails.

Governments will fail, but God’s love will last. Crowns are temporary, but love is eternal. Your money will run out, but His love never will.

How could God have a love like this? No one has unfailing love. No person can love with perfection. You’re right. No person can. But God is not a person. Unlike our love, His never fails. His love is immensely different from ours.

Our love depends on the receiver of the love. Let a thousand people pass before us, and we will not feel the same about each. Our love will be regulated by their appearance, by their personalities. Even when we find a few people we like, our feelings will fluctuate. How they treat us will affect how we love them. The receiver regulates our love.

Not so with the love of God. We have no thermostatic impact on His love for us. The love of God is born from within Him, not from what He finds in us. His love is uncaused and spontaneous. Does He love us because of our goodness? Because of our kindness? Because of our great faith? No, He loves us because of his goodness, kindness, and great faith. John says it like this: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us” (1 John 4:10 NIV).

Doesn’t this thought comfort you? God’s love does not hinge on yours. The abundance of your love does not increase His. The lack of your love does not diminish His. Your goodness does not enhance His love, nor does your weakness dilute it. What Moses said to Israel is what God says to us:

The LORD did not choose you and lavish His love on you because you were larger or greater than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! It was simply because the LORD loves you. (Deut. 7:7–8 NLT)

God loves you simply because He has chosen to do so.

He loves you when you don’t feel lovely.
He loves you when no one else loves you. Others may abandon you, divorce you, and ignore you, but God will love you. Always. No matter what.

This is His sentiment: “I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies; I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved” (Rom. 9:25 MSG).

This is His promise. “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself” (Jer. 31:3 NLT).

Slow Fade..

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
---------------------------------------------------

so many storms may come my way
but time will bring it all away
there's no definite trouble that stays and lingers
but the question is,
are you willing to surrender?

the crown of thorns He humbly take
to wash the blood of saints away
that once was pure but then got tainted
by the adversary who is so vain

and so the end to the story came
which road will you choose?
life or flames?
the lips may be stubborn
and the minds may be foul
but let the heart speak above it all

i ain't any perfect
i always fall
and so many times
i thought i can't stand at all

but heed this precious words of mine
that because of Christ
my life still shines

Here i am..♥

Just a couple of nights before, i finally get to chat with my dear love, Amy.. oh, how much i missed her, only God knows. well, i've been lonely.. you see, i don't have much friends, and because God didn't intended any of His creations being an island, i may say that i handle loneliness poorly at times. ;p

with my eyelids wanting to hang on the 'Close' sign on the door, i was quite insistent that i should at least chat with her a lil while. it felt so good getting to catch up with her, even for awhile. it's been ages.. she's in New York for the 2-week break from college, at her boyfriend's. she's doing well, busy with school and work. planning to change church tho'. well anyway.. what we chat the other night got me thinkin'..

all along, many of us will have the tendency now and then to feel compeled by people around us, or people that we heard of,.. neh, the self-feeling of inadequacy, those self-chest-beating kinda feeling.. as though you've not done enough.. to feel small around people. i can paint a perfect picture of this.. imagine this: me in the utility room standing with the whole worship team, all those wonderful beings of God, strong and humble, beautiful and lovely.. and then i look at myself.. those rugged posture, trying my very best not to show that i feel intimidated by their appearance, and their air of 'holiness'.. and in the midst of the group, i see them as tall and big.. and the circle narrows to this small gap at one side that suddenly seemed like the donut was bitten off by a fat man. now, that bit is me.. i see myself so small. insignificant - to be exact.

is this normal? i guess so. if you've been there, you know what that cup of tea tastes like. it makes your tummy churn. that night, we talked about our spiritual life. to be honest, i was ashamed of talking about my state.. because, as i pondered about what we talked about that night, i was reminded by what pastor once shared, 'you can't squeeze anything out of nothing'.. and that is what my current state looks like. ding, dong, ring-a-ling clinging bells. the more i thought of it, the more i felt sorry for people around me, of how they've put so much hope on me, and me.. ain't risking myself to even lift my lil finger for anything. no, not poor me. poor them.

i was once a fiery runner, but where did all the fiery went? guess i sprayed the fire extinguisher out on myself. and now, i feel like any 'normal' believer would feel.. safe, comfortable in my ol' lil shelf.. knowing for the very fact that it is already at the very verge of breaking down. are we just too proud to walk out and admit that we need help? and yet, with our self-righteous attitude, we put out our righteous-than-thou roadshow, parading ourselves like we're just A-ok. oh, only God knows those struggles that eats us alive. but, being polite as we are, we learnt well to keep all the ooglies to ourselves. reminds me of what Bree of Desperate Housewives once said to pregnant Susan, "when my feelings are trying to get hold of me, i imagine a box in front of me. i will put all those emotions and feelings into that box like a good woman, and i will put it away in the closet for awhile.. and when i already have some time for myself, i will take that box out and deal with those emotions and feelings one by one alone, like a good woman should." wow, isn't that insightful? (and here i am, trying to be sarcastic =.=")

i ain't crying for sympathy, nor am i pleading for attention. i don't have a point to make, too by the way. so spare me the 'so?' look. i'm just saying, i'm learning. i know i'm slow at things.. i have my flaws, loopholes you'd wish you nobody would see or even notice. all i'm saying is.. i am now admitting my flaws.. more than before. not that i haven't,.. but i guess.. you'll have to do this again and again from time to time in life.. just to keep yourself sane and not being pilled up with pride and circumstances of life. it's just so easy to be blown away by anything nowadays.. really, it is. it is when the pottery is being crushed to the ground, so crushed till it can't be crushed no more that when it is being re-made, it will become stronger. (some people say it applies the same way when you want to have your knees done, *cough.. to make yourself taller)

after the admitting.. it'll be the surrendering part. only when you are empty can you be filled.. reminds me of Dwayne "The Rock", do you smell what the Rock is cookin'? but i say...

Do ya see what Jesus is washin'? ♥