God is CHEERING for YOU!! :D

"If your God is Mighty enough to ignite the sun, could it be that He is mighty enough to light your path?"
God is for you. Not “may be,” not “has been,” not “was,” not “would be,” but “God is!” He is for you. Today. At this hour. At this minute. As you read this sentence. No need to wait in line or come back tomorrow. He is with you. He could not be closer than he is at this second. His loyalty won’t increase if you are better nor lessen if you are worse. He is for you.

God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps. Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up. God is for you.
God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark. We know he has a tattoo, and we know what it says. “I have written your name on my hand,” he declares (Isa. 49:16)."

..bits of faith..

this is me. a simple girl. currently done with studies. just got a job and will be starting next month. adores God. imperfect but lovely family. not much friends. a friendly person, but not much of a socialite. an introvert and extrovert in between. jolly at times. moody at times. thinks a lot. thinks a lot. still think a lot. thinks deep. thinks long. thinks. thinks. thinks. silent. demanding at times. sort of a perfectionist. sometimes a doubter. not a very strong heart. can be quite vulnerable at times. grateful for life. has a great partner. very understanding. very patient. and kind.

i take things slow. very slow. eat slow. bath slow. drink slow. chew slow. absorbs slow. acts slow. sometimes think slow. love music. love music. and loves music a lot. high degree of imagination. has dancing imagination. will is not strong enough at times. body is not strong enough as well. fainted once so far. nose bled once. had chicken pox once. major motion sickness. muchos motion sickness. sometimes timid. often times humbled. wish to be arrogant at times. not too confident. deep. emotional. loves to smile. gives advice. loves quiet. melodramatic. loves soul. loves coffeehouse. loves rock sometimes. country is nice. pop is okay. don't like pizza. loves Italian food. salad. macaroni. lasagna. not a big fan of hotdogs. short tempered. trying to be patient. hates people who gives faces. feels the urge to curse some times. wonders how people can be so mean at times. sometimes feels that the world is a cold cruel place. hopes for better tomorrow.s and pleasant todays. dislikes two faced people. cheating people. loves happy people. loving.

still unraveling the meaning of life. finding the purpose of life. just read 'the 5 people you meet in heaven'. loves to read. loves to write. expressive. loves writing songs. loves humming. wishes to see angels. and God. tries hard at times. tries too hard at times. tries not enough at times. chooses not to be angry. reasons to myself. gives trust in God. blur. cries easily. cry. cry. why. why. always ask why. tries to make sense out of craziness and obscurity. laughs at monkey-to-human evolution theory. blesses. tries to understand. loves to sing. tries to sing better. can't sing high pitch. loves sushi. a lot. starting to like kimchi. and kimchi noodle. can be creative at times. has sharp eyes for art. plays the guitar. can't play piano. rusty drum skills. dreams a lot. loves dreams. life goes on.

i believe in faith. hope. love. God.

@ special guy..

Two more weeks and it's full 3 years since we plunged into this spring river.. well, look where it has brought us.. nice picture, huh? :) me think so, too.

you know, some people said, it takes more than just having seemingly beautiful happy, smiling photos together.. it is the ups and downs, the strangling, the tears, crazily hilarious laughter, and most importantly, heavenly chemistry that sparks off wild fire between each other.. all these and more that actually makes the picture perfect. :)

this is Ben @ Ebenezer @ Zhang Song, a pretty boy.. MY pretty boy :) i thank God everyday that He has let us met with each other. i won't say any insanely beautiful love phrases just to leave all of you giddy.. but, i think he deserves all the praises that any good partners are due.

the first time i met him was in our cell group in TARc hostel. Wilson (cell leader) asked him and Eugene out to join us, since they were also new. We went there to visit Patricia, as she was in the process of planning to move out of hostel.

imagine the scene, dark night.. group sitting at the little garden in between the buildings.. and two guys walked down.. and here the spotlight came.. shed light on this seemingly 'weird' creature. (hehe) the first thing that crossed my mind was.. "oh, man.. i soooooo won't get a boyfriend like HIM!!! oh, no i won't!"

jeng, jeng, jeng.. that's why pastor Gloria cautioned, "NEVER say NEVER". haha.. he was this spiky haired, four eyed, dark guy with baggy clothes... and he walked weird! (sorry, babe.. hehe) well.. and that night, we played a game.. and we were suppose to hold hands in a circle.. talking about A.W.K.W.A.R.D. well, what a special tryout. we even get to hold hands even before we knew each other! scary, but special. and scary. haha.

long, long, long, long, long after our first encounter.. i almost totally forgotten about this fella. life went on as usual.. and we started bumping into each other at church. i attended the 2nd service, and he was in the 1st service.. so the only time we ever saw each other were of those split of seconds.. with a small courteous wave. NO TALKING. just smile. and a hand wave. finish.

and..... one fine day.. this guy suddenly popped up in me mind. well, at that period of time, i was having a hard time.. as i was hard crushed by the previous relationship. i was a little desperate, but since God was in control,.. i prayed. "God, show me the right person for me at the right time.. i wish that he'd be someone..lalalalalalala... (macam wish list lah..), amen." all the things i'd hope to see in me future partner.

it's a cruel reality, but after the previous relationship.. i was so heart broken, i find it hard opening my heart and yet, still hoping for a miracle that i'll meet someone special someday. ironic, yes i know. and then.... he just came into the picture, just like that... without me inviting him in. i still remember having him in my thoughts the whole day while i was doing me revision before the exams.. hairwired, but true.

meeting him the first time after a long, long time was really a different experience. before the chinese new year, i took the initiave to get his number from Wilson.. (sad, but true.) it's not that i'm desperate or anything.. but i was actually very curious about how i feel and think towards this guy.. so, i've decided to make friends and get to know him more. so, i text him. scary as it sounds, but i actually remembered the very day i first texted him.. and it was 3 years ago! it was Friday.. (sshhh.. i even remembered the date! hahaha..!!) the rest was then history..

in the process of knowing him, i got to know that he's a great guy with a golden heart.. i hardly meet gentle guys like him. he indeed has a gentle and quiet spirit. being around him is comfortable. although 3 years doesn't seem too long, but not too short either.. he, my very dear partner.. doesn't fail to amaze me in many ways.. now i understand why pastor David saidthat he is still in the process of uncovering and getting to know pastor Gloria.. yes.. it's a beautiful & exciting journey, indeed. :)

many asked if i'd reconsider about this thing we're going on... for the very reason that i've already graduated and proceed to a different stage of life sooner than him. yes, i've given it a thought. a deep thought, i guess. we've discussed about this again and again from time to time.. here's me conviction.. i really love this guy.. and though we may fit each other in certain areas, there are some parts that will deem not to fit perfectly.. so what if we have different footsteps along the way? that doesn't mean we can't walk together.. i believe God has His divine timing for everything.. and it's no mistake that this happened to us. so, instead of drawing conclusions too soon, we've surrendered this issue to God.. and give each other a chance.. to prove and make this work for each other the best we can.. and stand by each other's side.

i really believed God blessed us so much.. and He has really heard me prayers.. i don't know what the future holds, but i know God won't leave us alone.. :) i pray that not only it applies in boy-girl relationships, but in every relationships.. what God has united, let no one separate :D

so, let me re-introduce this great guy i have... he's charming, humble, gentle, understanding, funny, kind, dark, smart, gentleman, detailed, creative, fun, happy guy that loves God and life!! he's non other than..... (drums rolling) ..... Mr. Ebenezer Diong Zhang Song!! *applaus*applaus*

thank you for being such a sweet guy to me.. i pray that this bond we have will never be broken. i thank God that we have this special relationship.. it's really a beautiful thing indeed. love ya! *hugz*

11.57pm

“move.. move.. move right outta ma life…” that’s what Jen Hudson sang in the Dreamgirls.

God.. what am i gonna do with this stinking persona of mine.. it’s like this favorite disease, lurking into every veins and vessels.. infected, real bad. feel like writing crazy songs. wild songs. outrageous songs..

in times like this, different people react differently.. some people have *** when they are too tired and messed up.. some cry,.. some sing,.. some shouts and trash people around.. some, like me, don’t know what to do. the only thing to describe people like me are people with outrageously wild thoughts but ain’t working it out. if, that even makes sense to you. (pfft, like i even understand what i’m saying…@.@)

i’m just tired.. and i totally almost got scr*wed by people because i stayed pass curfew.. that’s the rule. well, good thing i was able to lift me arse out as soon as the person started lecturing.. lalalalalalalala…. whatever.

mmm… wish i could eat ice-cream. not now. too late. it’s already past 12. and.. i’m uber tired. God, i have so many questions dangling in my mind.. i wish You could just press the ANSWER button and shut the crap out of my mind. but, that would make me life all too predictable now, wouldn’t it? NO. God, You know what’s best.. i’ll just have to unwrap all that i could find from You along the way..

i’m sorry.. i’m just too #%#$@#$&#$% up right now.. don’t even know what words to use to describe this feeling. everyone (almost) seems to be pretty preoccupied with life’s busyness.. except me =.=” oh, well. i have an interview tomorrow.. oh, did i just repeated that?… ahh.. whatever. i have another one on Saturday, the one i’m most looking forward to. GODDDDDDDDD !!!! i want that job… can i? huh….. i’m really tired of finding jobs already. can’t i just start off with this? my apologies if i sound like a total crap. my point is.. i’ve lost one big chunk in me life.. that part is… my DESIRES.. which leads to my FIRE. *poof* all that’s left is smoke vanishing.

i’m sooooo vulnerable right now. what’s the matter with me.. arghhhhhh !!!!!! i gotta go sleep right now, otherwise i’ll be talking more crap and wasting electricity and blog space. :s

good night, everyone. xoxo. and sorry :’(

i’ll wake up when i’m sober.